Thursday, June 19, 2008

Exploring my Dominant Sexuality

It all began when my male friend of six years offered himself to me, (02-08). We were lying in bed together as platonic friends at this stage, naked and snuggling. The conversation turned to my “new found and long lost lesbianism,” and whether I would ever be with another man again. I had just recently told him about how I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend I had at the time, a year ago by that stage, so I guess he understood my aggression towards men in general when I answered his question by saying that I do not really want to be with a man but that I would really like to break a man’s masculinity… and that is when he offered himself to me.

I gladly accepted “the challenge,” happy that I finally had someone that I trusted to explore with. I am still in the process of unlearning things, but I am finding it a great experience, and it has certainly changed me for the better as a person. I feel more self-assured, and more assertive, the list goes on. I find this grand, since these qualities are not very encouraged in women to begin with.

The things that were stopping me exploring my dominant sexuality before were just that I did not have anyone who I trusted enough to open up to in that way with. The fact that I have known him for years really does effect the quality of our communication, which I think is very important in a kinky relationship. There are more things that are not just givens. Don't get me wrong, we still have our really lame arse moments of confusion through a purple haze...

However, it is four months later and I still do not know how to break a man's masculinity. Any suggestions?

Funny Hand Gestures inside my Cunt...

I have spoken about stretching my cunt before, but last night it was the largest it has ever been. I masturbated in my friends shower the night before and used all of the bottles that were big enough for my large cunt. I slowly graduated up in size, leaving the bottle with the largest base for last. It was a flex shampoo bottle with a flanged base, and I always like to put things in wide-end first. Doing this really opened me up, and even when I took it out and there was not anything in there, it sure did look and feel verrry open, just the way I like it.

Last night, I ordered my slave to use as minimal lube as possible and only use his fingers in my hole and not around my vulva. My hole was already very open and did not need much prepping, this being from the years I have spent stretching it. I like it when he uses just a couple if not one finger to explore my openness however he wishes. Because one fist can barely touch the sides these days, with just one finger or two he was able to move those fingers from side to side inside my cunt, feeling the empty depths. Doing all kinds of hand gestures inside me, leaving me only to guess what he was doing since I can not really feel much anymore inside my accommodating cunt, I was really enjoying myself. Eight fingers doing the Vulcan sign from two hands, hooking his fingers on either side of my vulva lips and pulling them apart exposing my pink flesh and stretching my hole. Feeling stretched is a lovely feeling that I do not feel that often anymore since I am so loose.

I know it is strange to get off on the idea that I can not feel “normal” size things in my cunt, but it really turns me on. I just love how my cunt could make many men feel emasculinated, and that something relatively large, (not large to me!), could slip in without me noticing, (if I was not wearing any clothes!). I want to be able to go about my day with something large inside me at all times, or at least be held open always. I was thinking that I could get a latex body suit, that has the detail of a latex tubular part for insertion, with the opening completely attached to the rest of the body suit and the insertable end closed so I’ll be as covered in latex as much as possible. It would have a flexible but stiff frame embedded in it, which was designed to hold my cunt open as wide and deep as possible. If anyone knows of someone who could make this latex suit for me, I would greatly appreciate it if you contacted me about it.